Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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