Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
