this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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