Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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