so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
