All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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