K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
