It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
