im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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