is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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