dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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