you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
