you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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