So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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