i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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