that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
