i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
barbara walters just said penis...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
