She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
