he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
