Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize