12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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