Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
