Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
