So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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