If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
