garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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