You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The uberlube is also flammable
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
