dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
These tits shall not be calmed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
