It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
