Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
