i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
