who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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