I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize