Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
