i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
