Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
