Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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