a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
