census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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