I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
