I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
