I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
