First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
