so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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