dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
