just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
