Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
