someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
