I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
