Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
