Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
