pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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