he shaved USA in his pubs
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
