just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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