ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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