I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
