My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These tits shall not be calmed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
