i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
