On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
