i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
