and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize