question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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