i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it because I queefed?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
