and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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