you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
