I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
