how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
