it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize