nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You work out of a Hotel?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
