idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
