in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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