glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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