your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
