So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
