You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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