I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
