Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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