Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
